His Anchor
by youaretrulybrilliant
Summary: "As with all things emotionally related, it took Oliver a long time to understand. After caging Slade on the island he didn't want to understand. If he sat back and for one moment and tried to - he'd be consumed..." -what happens after leaving Slade on the island when Oliver is well being Oliver.


As with all things emotionally related, it took Oliver a long time to understand. After caging Slade on the island he didn't want to understand. If he sat back and for one moment and tried to - he'd be consumed. Instead he plowed forward, forcing his body to heal and then relentlessly train into exhaustion. Exhaustion was the only way he could sleep.

In the newly formed lair in the quiet moments where he and Diggle trained and Felicity worked from her helm, it almost seemed like nothing had changed. But then he and Diggle would pause in their sparring, panting from exhaustion to see the walls weren't the right color anymore and that layout wasn't the same, and instead of the three, the team was now five. It was still taking time to adjust to.

Having Laurel in the loop, he thought would bring peace and in a way it did. A great weight had been lifted from his heart. But a new one took its place. One more person to worry about, one more person he could get hurt. Laurel didn't gel with the rest of the team as easily as he hoped either. He didn't know what it was, but it wasn't the dream he had once imagined. Roy stayed away from her, Diggle still was himself just slightly held in, and Felicity was severely subdued - her rambles almost nonexistent. No amount of goading could get her to fully open back up. The old adage of careful what you wish for haunted him.

But he still pushed on. There was a company to reclaim, finding a job to pay for the Arrow business, trying to get Waller off his back, and most of all trying to find Thea. He could hear Roy and Felicity carry on whispered conversations, sometimes ending with Roy walking off red faced and abruptly punching the wall a few seconds later. Oliver knew Felicity was doing her best to find any trace but it didn't stop him or Roy from sometimes getting short with her when another lead didn't work.

To stop the guilt he would push himself at night when there wasn't a mission to run down missing person reports. They were hundreds of them after Slade's army; people who never made it home and simply disappeared into the night. He thought if he found one more person maybe Thea would come back. He refused to think that Thea could be dead. Roy found out one night what he was doing and without a word joined him. He'd never admit it to Roy, but he admired the kid's devotion to his sister. Maybe he'd be worth his sister after they found her.

Finding a new home was a challenge. Originally, Laurel offered to let him stay with her. He tried. But he couldn't do it, too much had happened and he couldn't handle it, not anymore. He then tried staying with Diggle, but guilt forced him out there too. He took so much from Diggle, he didn't want to encroach on his growing family. He had attempted to bunk one night with Roy, but the whole place reminded him too much of Thea. He ended up leaving within an hour of being there.

So he ended up in the one place he couldn't decide if he should be at. Felicity's brightly colored townhouse was both comfort and happiness - a safe cocoon he felt he never wanted to leave. They slipped into a natural pattern of ease so fast he should have been alarmed. But he was too tired to care and if he was honest is was partly selfish. Felicity was the one constant source of happiness in his life and he didn't want to give that up.

Felicity took an IT job at a company close to the new liar. She told Oliver in a very strict voice the only reason she took the job was to hide the electronic drain the new lair had and to piggyback on the servers without her bosses ever knowing. The team had lost too much equipment and still didn't have enough funds to recoup. She grinned ear to ear at her accomplishment, all the while telling Oliver he owed her a raise when he took back Queen Consolidated. He couldn't help but smile warmly back. That and make a mental note to pay her twice as much when he could.

For a time then things slipped into a pattern of he and the rest of the team ignoring the past and pushing forward. It was their new normal. But it never going to last, this tenuous peace he had formed. Slowly after a few months his world of denial started to unravel.

It first started with his city. It was in splinters, too slow to reconstruct. The recovery from the Undertaking had never been complete and then after Slade's attack there was almost nothing left. It made the city more prone to attack, powerful groups trying to reshape the lay of the land into the images they designed. Powerful groups that Oliver didn't have the resources to tackle anymore. If he made a deal with devil he could have, but he learned his lesson after China.

The devil was Waller and she still did not forgive them for their little stint of holding her at gunpoint. But she was more willingly to take her anger out on Diggle and Lyla. Oliver did his best to help, but Waller kept hinting about China. China was not something he wanted to revisit. When Oliver received a panicked call from Felicity one day about the names Toshi and Akiko plastered all over their apartment, not only did he have her increase security he decided he had enough of Waller running all over his life. Diggle calmly stopped him and with more vehemence than he ever heard before said Waller was his and Lyla's to deal with. He wasn't the only person tired of that woman ruining his life.

But it meant Diggle taking charge of the so called Suicide Squad for a time. Suddenly the team of five became four and Roy wasn't ready for the level of help Oliver needed him to be at. Things worsened when one night Thea walked into town, saying she had the chance to meet her real father finally and she knew all about who was really under the hood. That night Oliver didn't do anything but walk home in a dazed blur. Only to open the door to the apartment he still shared with Felicity to find her sitting with her arms warped around the new CEO of Queen Consolidated, Ray Palmer.

He remembered Felicity calling his name as she abruptly launched into an explanation, babbling, too fast even for her. She jumped up and ran after him, but Oliver ignored her. He didn't remember anything after that, until he realized was sitting between the graves of his parents, staring at ground beneath his feet. It was the first time in months he had been there. Oliver tried to grasp unto to anything to hold him down, but months of repressed emotions burst and for the first time since he watched Slade spear his mother, Oliver Queen cried.

He could count on one hand the amount of times he had cried in the past six years and never had he felt more alone then in that moment. The strain of exhaustion, guilt, and pain poured so heavily on him that Oliver simply crumpled, letting his face fall into the dirt. There he lay letting all his emotions run free until his eyelids could no longer support their weight.

It was shortly after dawn when Oliver jolted awake, the morning dew chilling him into alertness. He was surprised to see sitting next to him fast asleep against his father's gravestone was Felicity, still wearing her clothes from the day before. He could see dried mud on her face where she clearly had wiped her hand and dried muddy tear tracks down her cheeks. Oliver took in her glasses skewed on her face and more mud stains on her legs and shoes, indicating she must have fallen on the ground at some point during the night.

What caught his eye though was a folder clasped tightly in her hands despite her being asleep. Intrigued, Oliver gently pried the folder loose. Felicity shifted with a small whimper and Oliver despite still being upset with her, he moved to sit by the blonde. Felicity, as if sensing he was there rolled into him and dropped her head on his shoulder.

In the past months of their shared domesticity, they had been careful to avoid moments like this. Moments that crossed the invisible line they created for themselves. However, Oliver found that with growing frequency that they happened. He and Felicity would fall asleep on the couch together after Arrow business too exhausted to make it to their respective rooms only to wake up and find one their limbs entangled together. There was also the fact they had no issue with invading each other's personal spaces or unnecessary very _non platonic_ touches here and there. They were little moments that he found he wanted. Selfishly, he kept them to himself and Felicity did too.

His bitterness over Ray stung sharper than ever. He knew he had no claim over his roommate and that was no one's fault but his own. Oliver fought to keep his jaw from clenching and opened the folder Felicity had brought with her. Warmth spread over his stiff body as he read the words on the page. It was a complete layout of a contract for Oliver to retake Queen Consolidated, already signed and agreed to by the Ray and various board members. All that was needed was for Oliver to sign his name. He reread it over a few times to tell himself that it was real. Emotion towards the remarkable woman sleeping on him burned through every cell of his body.

It was then that Oliver realized Felicity was moving ever so slightly. He gazed down to see her clutching his shirt and blinking away sleep. She sat up slowly, but made no move to release her grip on him. She cleared her throat as she noticed the open folder in Oliver's lap. Her eyes fluttered up to his before she stared quickly back at the paper.

"Just so you know I was just giving him a hug. I got caught up in the excitement. I've been working on this for months. Turns out lots of the board members want the hell out of the city because of everything is so screwed up. Ray really only wants to run the Applied Sciences division...It took a bit of twisting but they all agreed in the end...So in a weird twisted sort of way Slade helped you get back your company...Oh god, I can't believe I just said that," she paused for a moment as if still trying to wake up, "Oh, I must have the worst morning breath at the moment. I can't believe you haven't said anything yet. And for the record, I never want to sleep against a tombstone again. It's just plain cree-"

Oliver griped her hand with his free one, effectively cutting her off. Felicity leaned back so she could clearly look up at him, her cheeks lined with sleep marks. Oliver was smiling ear to ear.

"I'm sorry," was the only thing he could manage to say. The smile faltered. His voice was still worn, betraying all the emotion swimming around in his head.

The usual rush of embarrassment after one of her rambles disappeared from Felicity's face. She released her hand from Oliver's shirt and fixed her glasses. A small smile formed on her lips.

"I know," she replied in a soft tone.

Oliver moved to hold her hand again. Felicity let him. He liked the feel of her long fingers within the grasp of his much larger hand. He didn't say anything else. He didn't know if he could yet. Apologizing was the only thing he could think of.

It just wasn't an apology for his overacting. It was more than that. It was for all the months of hell where he had been slow to deal with emotions. It was for all the times he had been an ass to her. Oliver pulled Felicity into his chest and let his cheek rest on her forehead. He breathed in deeply, taking in her scent that had become so familiar to him. He felt Felicity wrap her arms around his torso. He kissed her forehead.

"Thank you," he mumbled after a moment.

He knew the two words weren't enough to cover what she had done but they were the only words he could manage. If he talked anymore, more words, much more precious would fall from his lips much like they did in their ploy to stop Slade. He wasn't ready for that. When he said those words again, he wanted her to really know it. But he finally accepted what he should have known along; Felicity was always going to be his anchor. And he was nothing without her.

* * *

a/n: I haven't written ff in ages and I certainly never have written Arrow before but I got hit with inspiration and it wouldn't leave me alone. Actually is more like a got smacked with Thor's hammer upside the head, but that is neither here nor there. Anyway, here's to season 3 of Arrow and Olicity goodness!


End file.
